so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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