Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
