forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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