I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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