i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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