??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
