moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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