Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
