i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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