Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
