dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
