Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
its liver damage thursday
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