yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
