i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
