So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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