her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
