I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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