The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will pee on everything he values.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
