I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
