how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
