I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
