dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
