Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
