my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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