i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
