I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
