But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The adults are the big ones right?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
