I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
