I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
