I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
