My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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