He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
