We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
