I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
