Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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