Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
