I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
