in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
