she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
