cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
