I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
