I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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