Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
