sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
