Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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