Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
