white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
