I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
