i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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