You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
