oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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