so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
