Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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