this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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