Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
