I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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