but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
