We won't sleep together?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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