we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do herpes really smell.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
