Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
