Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
