We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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